Good Shepherd Newsletter 5

Staff

Competency 5: Expansion of Skills

Posted by Holy Family Counseling Centers Staff on April 20, 2020

This competency will focus on a priest’s commitment to be a lifelong learner. Seeking to expand their vocations beyond the limits of theology, priests will be encouraged to pursue excellence in business management, human resources, and pastoral counseling. We will explore what is needed to help priests manage these varied responsibilities.


Over the past few months, we have delved into various aspects of priestly life that, when practiced regularly, may add to greater fufilment, emotional health, and overall holiness. Each of the previous competencies: Vocational Resiliency, Positive Fraternal Connections, Sustaining Healthy Lifestyles, and Securing an Identity in Spiritual Fatherhood, has touched upon an aspect of priestly life that has proven fruitful when practiced. The final competency to be discussed is that of expanding skill sets; experiencing vocations as opportunities to continue learning as well as stretching beyond the limits of theology into other areas of vocation.


If you have never heard the phrase “a Jack of all trades” it means an individual who has some level of competency at a number of different skills. If you are familiar with the phrase, then you probably know the quote “a Jack of all trades, but a master of none.” Commonly, this is used in a derogatory fashion, saying that someone may know a little about a lot of things, but does not have any expertise in one particular area. The phrase originated with he term ‘jack’, a Jack was oft en the name given to the common place man at work (a jack-tar was a sailor) and later became a substitute for tools that took over the place of the individual (a jack-frame is a carpenter’s saw horse). Over time in their chosen fields, Jack’s saw so much from other areas that they gained a working knowledge of a number of different areas.


Priestly life is no less a hodgepodge of different areas of industry combining into one. At any given time a priest is an accountant, a budgeter, a boss, a handyman, a spiritual director, a landscaper, and any other number of roles that are required. Arguably, the roles a priest will have to take on may increase according to the resources of the parish they are assigned. With all of this in mind, it is important to remember the entire phrase about Jacks: “A jack of all trades, but master of none, is oft en better than being a master of one.” Throughout the course of the Church, priests have always taken on multiple roles. Th is newsletter looks at ways in which skill sets can be effectively expanded upon.


A. Vocational self-care

In today’s world we hear a lot about self-care. We are told to take time for ourselves so that we can exercise, sleep, relax, and do things that we enjoy. In a world where schedules always seem to be full and we are always connected by technology acts of self-care are often hard to implement. Individual self-care is an important part of life, and we have discussed aspects of this in our newsletter dedicated to sustaining a healthy lifestyle.


Vocational self-care is also an important aspect of living. At some point in your vocation there was a decision made to serve Our Lord. Through seminary and beyond schooling, experience, and other aspects of priestly life have shaped the kind of priest you have become. There is no doubt that many of these aspects have been beneficial. There is also no doubt that some aspects may not have the same shine on them that they used to. Vocational self-care is about keeping the professional side of us well. Is your vocation still motivating and interesting? Do you know how to balance leisure and work-time? Do you feel inspired and challenged?


As a shepherd of God’s people, you protect them, feed them, and help those that are lost. In doing so it is important to remember that you also must know how to administer to the flock. Before you were ordained you felt a calling. In discernment that calling came to fruition and, with Christ as a guide, you live out that calling everyday. Shepherds are constantly on the look out for dangers, for food, and for safety. They remain observant of their surroundings and what the flock will be facing, both good and bad. In short, shepherds are always learning and expanding their knowledge for the betterment of the flock. Shepherds also take time for their own rest. They allow their flock the freedom to find their own food, to handle some dangers on their own, and to get lost and be reunited again.


These periods of rest and rejuvenation are invaluable. As we read in the Gospel of Mark, “And he said to them, ‘Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while (Mark 6:31).’” When we do not make time for what we need, we waste time we do not have. Do you remember why you first felt called to the priesthood? Do you remember the vision of the priest you wanted to be? Are you near or far from that vision? Vocational self-care involves grasping on to that vision and finding ways to bring yourself closer to it. The reality of any vocation or job is often different from our expectations, but it does not have to be completely different. Here are a few ideas to increase vocational self-care.

A black and white grid with a few words on it

B. Types of Skill Sets

Generally, there are two types of skills used in work: soft skills and hard skills. Soft skills are those that we can use in any job. They are the interpersonal skills and personality traits that we carry with us all of the time. These skills make up the basis for how we communicate and work with others. Soft skills include:

A table showing the different types of conflicts

Soft skills make up the “who” of our work personas. They are transferrable and appear in many of the different roles that we may have to take on. Soft skills develop over time, they are integral parts of our personalities and morals and often develop as we grow and mature. Soft skills can be expanded upon by increasing contact with others through team-building activities, support groups, friendships, or mentorship. Moving through life connected to others allows us a chance to grow who we are in many different ways:


1. Be open to feedback. Not all criticism is negative, it can help us grow when we are open to receiving it. Focus less on how criticism is delivered and discover what the message is. Listening to superiors, colleagues, employees, and parishioners allows for a well-rounded way to learn.


2. Communicate often. Effective communication benefits everyone. Communicate about tasks involved with your vocation and those outside of it as well. Take advantage of the different modes of communication available to you. Face-to-face communication is always important. We can also utilize emails, text messages, and presentations as a way to communicate with others. Keep in mind how you address others, if your message is clear, and notice how others communicate with you to develop a style of communication that works for you.


3. Adapt to workplace changes. As with any type of work, there are going to be fluctuations that occur in placements, staff changes, and procedure changes (as seen by our response to Covid over the last year). Try not to view changes as negatives, but rather as opportunities to implement new ideas, change procedures that are out-dated, and to learn how others around you adapt to the fluidity that is introduced.


4. Be observant. Notice how others around you, no matter their role, handle their vocations or work roles. Notice what things you can adapt into your own soft skill repertoire and make adjustments as needed. We can all get stuck in ruts, the more open we are to observing others and learning new ideas from how they operate, the less likely we’ll be stuck in a rut longer than we need to be. Hard skills are the skills that relate directly to how we do tasks. These are the skills that come with specific schooling, training, and experience.


Hard skills are the “what” of our vocations. Each role within your vocation requires a different set of hard skills. These skills may transfer between roles but often do so less easily then soft skills. For example, during a budget meeting any experience you have in accounting or budget management is a hard skill. Developing hard skills is more direct than developing soft skills. Most of us can recognize areas where there might be a gap in our ability to perform certain tasks. When we are honest with ourselves it makes it much easier to address these deficits.


1. Ask for advice. Openness to learning new skills is extremely important. Look at your network and determine which people in your life could offer advice. Perhaps it is a fellow priest that does well in one area, perhaps it is a friend or family member that excels within their own vocation. Asking for and following the advice of others is a great way for us to determine which skills can be expanded upon.


2. Take a class. Developing hard skills often means taking the time to learn something new. Professional development courses are often available for free and can teach us new skills in relatively short amounts of time. Learning new skills and techniques through short classes is a positive way to expand our hard skills while also refreshing the way we view certain aspects of work and vocation.


3. Set a goal. In the daily flow of life, it is easy to get lost in the current. Step back and look at areas you would like to improve upon. When those are identified set yourself a small goal and the steps you are going to take to reach it. Taking the steps to achieve a goal may lead to more positive outcomes and make success achievable.


C. Remaining Curious.

Perhaps one of the most important attitudes to maintain when expanding ones vocational or work skill set it that of curiosity. Vocations are what we strive to do in life, and they involve many different titles and responsibilities as we travel along our chosen path. As human beings we crave the familiar and not without reason, it surrounds us with feelings of safety and contentment. However, in our daily work, familiarity can lead to repetitive daily routines and feeling unsatisfied. As we read in Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Curiosity leads to learning, it is an active state of interest and wanting to know about something. Curiosity allows us to embrace circumstances that are unfamiliar and, in doing so, give us the opportunity to discover new experiences and find joy.


Numerous studies show that curiosity is linked to intelligence and learning. When we are curious about a topic we are more likely to learn about it quicker. Curiosity primes our brains for learning and helps to push us towards completing gaps in our knowledge. When we ask advice of others, we are more likely to discover those gaps and do something to correct them. Curiosity can also be helpful in how we relate to others. When we are curios about people’s lives, or they are curious about ours, it leads to levels of personal growth. Those that remain curious often end up not being bored, they are able to see new possibilities and due to an inquisitive nature, often find greater satisfaction in their pursuits.


The attribute of creativity often goes hand-in-hand with curiosity. Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, described creativity as, “a central source of meaning in our lives … most of the things that are interesting, important, and human are the results of creativity … [and] when we are involved in it, we feel that we are living more fully than during the rest of life.” Creativity is often associated with the arts, like drawing, painting, writing, or music. However, creativity goes beyond these traditional activities. Creativity is about finding meaning and fulfillment in any activity. Early in life you were probably encouraged to be creative. As a matter of fact, we always encourage the creativity of children and ask them to extend beyond their boundaries to discover aspects of themselves and their environments that they do not know.


As adults, we should not let go of this idea. What were some creative things you did or wanted to do as a child? Try to recall times in your life where you didn’t get a chance to be as creative as you wanted and go for it. In today’s parlance we often hear this as “thinking outside the box.” The phrase is used enough that it may have lost the punch it was designed to deliver. In thinking outside of the box we give ourselves the chance to keep engaged with ourselves, reduce our stress, and improve our skills. Creativity helps us to center our lives around God’s presence; it is viewing the world not through the world’s lens but through the lens of the Divine Creator.


Jacks of a trade started out as men who did not know what they were doing. They had to learn the skills of their trade and in doing so would see others learning skills in other trades. Through this experience, skill sets were slowly expanded. The process of leaning into a vocation, learning about it, and continuing to expand within it is not easy. Constant work on self-care, both personal and vocational, is needed to keep the mind, body, and spirit refreshed. Curiosity assists in this, and creativity bolsters the process. Expanding our skill sets starts with understanding what skills are needed. The role of a priest is ever-changing. Many different hats need to be worn and those hats sometimes change multiple times in a day. Reminding yourself to remain adaptable, to ask for advice, and to live as a constant learner will go a long way in making change a little easier.

By Peter Attridge, PhD November 11, 2025
As a Catholic therapist, I often sit with clients who are wrestling with a deeply human question: When is it the right time to make amends ? Whether it’s reaching out to someone who has hurt them, or considering their own responsibility in a fractured relationship, the process of healing often leads us into the tender territory of reconciliation. But forgiveness and reconciliation aren’t the same thing. Forgiveness is something we’re called to offer freely—an act of the will that releases resentment and gives us peace, even when the other person hasn’t apologized. Reconciliation, on the other hand, is a step that involves two people. And discerning when—or even if—that step should be taken requires wisdom, prayer, and often, boundaries. Let’s explore how we can approach this process with care and courage, supported by both therapeutic tools and the richness of our Catholic faith. Discerning the Right Time to Make Amends Discernment is a familiar concept in Catholic life. We use it to seek God's will in big decisions—vocations, careers, relationships. But it’s just as important in the smaller, more personal moments too, like choosing when to reach out to someone who has hurt us, or someone we may have hurt. Therapy can be a valuable space for this kind of discernment. Sometimes the desire to make amends comes from a sincere place of healing and readiness. Other times, it may be driven by guilt, pressure, or a longing for closure that the other person may not be able to give. In our sessions, I often help clients explore their motivations. Are you seeking peace, or permission? Healing, or validation? Discernment is about honesty—with yourself, with God, and with your emotional limits. St. Ignatius of Loyola offers a helpful framework for discernment rooted in prayerful reflection, noticing the movements of the heart. If the thought of reconciliation brings a sense of peace, courage, and compassion, it may be time. If it stirs anxiety, dread, or a sense of obligation, it may be wise to wait, or to approach things differently. The Role of Boundaries in Forgiveness and Healing One of the most common misconceptions I hear, especially among people of faith, is that setting boundaries is somehow un-Christian. But in truth, boundaries are acts of love —toward ourselves and others. They help define what is safe, respectful, and life-giving in a relationship. Forgiveness does not mean allowing someone to continue harming us. Christ calls us to forgive, yes, even “seventy times seven” times (Matthew 18:22), but He does not call us to abandon prudence or endure abuse. Remember, even Jesus withdrew from hostile crowds at times (John 10:39), and He taught that reconciliation involves both repentance and change (Luke 17:3-4). In therapy, we often work on developing “healthy boundaries” that allow us to engage with others from a place of strength and safety. For example, it’s okay to forgive a parent for past wounds without allowing them to manipulate your present life. It’s okay to love a sibling from a distance if closeness continues to result in harm. And it’s okay to hope for reconciliation without forcing it to happen. Boundaries are not walls; they are gates. They give us the freedom to let people in—but only when it is healthy and appropriate to do so. Making Amends with Compassion and Clarity If and when the time does come to make amends, whether as the person extending forgiveness or the one asking for it, approaching the conversation with humility and clarity is essential. We can take inspiration from the Sacrament of Reconciliation, where the process of confession involves examining our conscience, naming our sins, expressing true contrition, and receiving both forgiveness and guidance. Similarly, when making amends in our personal lives, we begin by acknowledging what happened—not defensively, but honestly. We share how the situation has affected us. We listen. We don’t demand immediate restoration, but we open the door to it. And sometimes, we might take that step and find that the other person isn’t ready. Or they respond with defensiveness, denial, or more harm. That’s when we return to our boundaries. Forgiveness is still possible, but reconciliation may need to remain a hope rather than a present reality. Spiritual Guidance Along the Way Throughout this process, our faith can be an anchor. Prayer becomes a conversation with the God who knows every wound and walks with us through every step of healing. The saints offer examples of both radical forgiveness and wise discernment. St. Monica, for instance, teaches us about perseverance in love and prayer without enabling harmful behavior. St. Maria Goretti’s story is often cited for her forgiveness, but we also remember her clarity in saying no to harm. And of course, the Sacraments nourish us. Receiving the Eucharist strengthens us to love like Christ. Confession helps us experience God’s mercy, so we can extend it more freely to others. Spiritual direction can also be helpful when navigating complex relationships and emotional burdens through a faith-based lens. Trusting the Slow Work of Healing Making amends and setting boundaries aren’t one-time decisions. They are part of an ongoing, unfolding process of healing. We may feel ready one day and hesitant the next. That’s okay. Forgiveness is not linear, and relationships—especially broken ones—rarely heal overnight. But I’ve seen firsthand the beauty that emerges when people engage in this work with courage. When they honor both their pain and their desire for peace. When they protect their hearts with boundaries, but still remain open to love. And when they trust that, even if reconciliation is not possible now, it may one day be—with God’s grace. In Conclusion If you’re in the midst of wrestling with whether to make amends, take heart. It’s not an easy decision, and it doesn’t have to be rushed. Therapy can offer tools and support. Your faith can offer wisdom and hope. And both can help you move forward with peace. Forgiveness will always be a part of the journey. But reconciliation? That’s something we discern, with prayer and prudence. And no matter where you land—whether you reach out, stay silent, or hold space from afar—you are not alone in the journey. If you haven’t yet read Part One of this series, I encourage you to explore the foundations of forgiveness and healing in both therapy and Catholic tradition. That post dives into the inner process of releasing pain and embracing God’s mercy—a powerful first step before considering reconciliation. May you be filled with gentleness, wisdom, and the peace that comes from the One who forgave us first. Forgiveness can feel impossible at times—but it’s also one of the most healing gifts we can give ourselves. If you're carrying the weight of resentment or hurt and feel ready to explore a path toward release and peace, therapy can help. At Holy Family Counseling Center , we create a safe space to process the past, understand your emotions, and move forward with intention. Connect with us when you're ready—we’re here to walk that path with you.
By Peter Attridge, PhD October 27, 2025
Forgiveness & Healing: Therapy and Catholic Perspectives on Reconciliation
By Irene Rowland, MS, LPC September 16, 2025
We often have more control than we realize. I’m going to lead you through an exercise in order to illustrate this point. Visualize a tree with deep roots and a strong trunk leading up into beautiful branches and leaves. Oftentimes, we retain concepts better if we can see it mapped out. To that end, let’s do a little art therapy together and when you have completed your masterpiece, you can put it on your refrigerator or somewhere that you’ll notice it often: First draw a tree trunk with the roots showing. Under half of the roots write the word FEAR in dark, shaky, ominous looking letters. Under the other half of the roots write LOVE in happy looking handwriting (maybe pretty cursive if you dare). Vertically up the tree trunk write “thoughts/beliefs”. Now it’s time to add lots of branches, twigs, and leaves. Among these branches, add the wording “actions/behaviors” throughout the branches. If you are looking for extra credit, add a variety of nice healthy looking fruit and some rotting fruit with flies. Proverbs 4:23 states “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” In most circumstances, at the root of our thoughts is either fear or love. These thoughts then drive our actions and behaviors. Sometimes we are coming from a solid, healthy place and other times from a shaky, fear based place. This is worth looking at in order to grow more and more into the emotionally healthy individual we have the potential to become. All fear based thinking is not detrimental obviously. God created us with healthy fight or flight instincts for when we are in actual danger. This is of course a good thing. For purposes of learning how to live a more emotionally balanced life, we’re looking at thoughts that come from an unhealthy fear which could potentially drive behaviors and actions that don’t serve us well. Thoughts Drive Behavior There are ten top cognitive distortions. Let’s break this down a little. Cognitive means having to do with the brain. Distortions are things that are twisted, so basically cognitive distortions are twisted, unhealthy or irrational thoughts. We have more control over our lives if we operate from a place of clear, healthy, rational thoughts. Everyone experiences some of these types of thoughts so it’s good to know that it’s “normal”. It’s what we do with these thoughts that matters. Do we buy into the lie that we’ve told ourselves or do we remind ourselves of the truth? If you tracked these negative thoughts throughout the week, it would be surprising to see how often this happens. Let’s look at the top 10 cognitive distortions. They’re not in any particular order but we each have a pattern of our “favorites” that we default to when we engage in what some call “stinking thinking”. All or Nothing Thinking - also known as black and white thinking. Usually things in life aren’t 100% one way or the other and the truth is somewhere in between in the gray area. Words such as never and always fall into this category. The words usually, often and sometimes are probably more truthful in most circumstances. Overgeneralizing - an example would be seeing an event as a never-ending pattern. A student with good grades being concerned that they’re going to flunk a course because of one failing quiz grade is a good example of this. Mental Filter - dwelling on the negatives and ignoring the positives. When this happens, the mind dwells on the glass being half empty. This is not only discouraging for the person who chooses to live this way, but also makes it difficult for others to be around them often. Discounting Positives - an example is not giving any credit for that which is good in a person and only paying attention to what needs improvement. Jumping to Conclusions- the thoughts don’t always match the facts. There are subsets of this type of distorted thinking. One is Mind Reading when we assume we know what the other person is thinking for instance. This is a common relationship issue. We need to state what we have to say instead of believing the other person already knows. Fortune Telling also is a way that we oftentimes falsely decide that we know how something is going to happen. We all know those who have had something negative happen in the morning and then decide that this is going to be a bad day. Their negative thinking is usually what propels the rest of the day to be less than desirable. Their self-fulfilling prophesy informs how they choose to handle the rest of the day. Magnification and Minimization - making things larger or smaller than they actually are. We’ve all seen a mountain made out of a molehill or something huge being discounted as being trivial. Emotional Reasoning - letting feelings be regarded as truth such as I feel unworthy therefore I am. Should Statements - when we use should/should not, must, have to or similar language about ourselves or others, we are self-bullying or other bullying. An example would be if a person thought that as a good parent they have to read a bedtime story every night to their child. The truth is that as a good parent, they get to/are happy to read a story nightly but they could still be a good parent without imposing this on themselves. A parent with a migraine could let their child know that they’re not feeling well and will read two stories the next night and still fulfill their idea of being a good parent. Labeling -calling oneself a loser for instance because you made mistakes, instead of stating the truth that you made a mistake. Self-Blame and Other-Blame -taking on blame that isn’t rightfully all yours or blaming others when the fault lies partially with you also. All of these unhealthy ways of thinking can cause us to have inappropriate responses to life’s situations. When we have a negative thought, we need to slow down and ask ourselves if it’s legitimately true or have we exaggerated or added incorrect meaning to a situation. When we operate from a place of truth, our behaviors are going to be more sane, more productive, life-giving and fruitful. Knowledge is power. Now that you know, practice paying attention to your thoughts. If they are true, operate from that place for the best outcomes. If the thoughts are not truthful and therefore won’t serve you well, it’s time to regroup and remind yourself of what the actual truth is. It’s ok to have your initial thought be an unlovely, negative thought that’s untrue. What matters is what you do with it. Hopefully your response is to turn it around into the truth and proceed from there. Looking for cognitive distortions can be like a treasure hunt. Your response of countering with the truth is pure gold. If this exercise resonated with you, try repeating the “Thought Tree” once a day for a week and notice one cognitive distortion you catch—then practice swapping it for a truer, kinder thought. If you'd like help applying these tools in therapy, please contact contact us at 678-993-8494 or visit Holy Family Counseling Center . If you ever feel overwhelmed or have thoughts of harming yourself, contact local emergency services or the 988 Lifeline immediately. Small shifts in how we think add up—you're not alone on this path to greater emotional health.